the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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