every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
