This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
