i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
This baby is an asshole
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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