i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
