the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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