Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
