I think I won the penis lottery.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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