I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
