My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
