I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The uberlube is also flammable
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
