my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
