White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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