Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Can I color on your dick again?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
