The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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