Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
