My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
the condom got lost in my hair
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
