That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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