So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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