She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
