I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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