you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
