nut hugger
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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