He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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