I feel great
I just peed on a car
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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