I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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