All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
