Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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