you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
