he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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