nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
