If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
