I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
