im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm passing your future prison.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
