how can u be prego again
My Higher Power is John Stamos
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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