Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
