Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
