Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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