when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
