pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
