i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
