Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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