Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Bring me that man meat
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
