there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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