i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
