I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
