He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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