There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
