you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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