Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
