There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
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