If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
