if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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