I wish I could punch you in the face.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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