Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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