bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He passed out mid-signature
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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