Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
