Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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