i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
